Slow People

Slow people got no reason
Slow people got no reason
Slow people got no reason
To run*

It was a couple years ago that a discussion broke out in the comments section of a local running blog. The upshot of the discussion was that runners who couldn't run at a certain pace should be barred from registering for races.

The person who made the suggestion was past president of the local running club.

That's right. A person who had been a leader of a group dedicated to helping people learn to participate in distance running was in favor of blocking people from ... distance running.

Well, I don't want no slow people
Don't want no slow people
Don't want no slow people
Racin' here*

I've volunteered as a running coach for people over the years. I've helped people train for 10k races and 10 mile races. There is nothing like the joy on the face of someone who's finished running a distance that seemed impossible just a few months before.

Once, a woman asked me if I would let her join my group training for a 10 mile race. "I can only go about 14 minutes a mile," she explained. "I know that's slow."

Sure it's slow. I've known people who could walk 6 miles at 14-minute pace. But as I told this woman, I have no problem with people who run slow. I'm one of them.

Slow people got nobody
Slow people got nobody
Slow people got nobody
To beat*

My fastest time in the mile was a little more than six minutes. My fastest time for the 10k was 43 minutes and change. It took me over five hours to finish my one marathon.

I'm slow. I get it. It doesn't matter to me, because I enjoy running.

But recently I've been getting ridiculed for being slow. Seriously mocked. The company I work for has an on-site health club, and when I run on the treadmill there I have been hearing co-workers tell me to go faster.

But the final straw was today. I was chugging along at my comfortable 10 minute pace when someone came alongside my treadmill. He was acting like he was running in slow motion. As he passed the treadmill, he said, "Me running!"

The mature response would have been to chuckle and utter some self-deprecating remark. Well, call Victor Fucking Mature, because I lost my shit. I told the guy to fuck off and die, finished my 5k, jumped off the treadmill, grabbed a quick shower, and emptied my locker.

I won't go back. I'll run in the predawn streets of my town. I've seen slow people running at times.

Slow people are just the same
As you and I
(A fool such as I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's a wonderful world)*

*Apologies to Randy Newman.